Olivia Ivings

Aubade Starting in Darkness

At your house,
                I can’t sleep past four.
An outdoor luminaire spotlights your popcorn-textured ceiling
               and transforms the dust flecks suspended in air into fireflies.

Your arms lock
              my shoulders, a pine
twisted in wisteria. Is this an approximation
              of love—your open mouth pushing sour breath into my damp face?

I wonder
              where I threw my keys,
if it’s worth my time to brush my teeth or find my underwear
              before I sneak out, if I should stay for daybreak and breakfast.

I will leave,
              I know, before Sun
breaches the horizon, hard worker that she is, no matter
              how much I argue with myself about the right way to go.

Loneliness
              feels nearest after
an experiment in closeness. Forget all light—natural
              and manmade. We each get what we deserve: language barriers,

small bruises,
              to become the homes
we have mistreated. We deserve to wake too early, alone,
              to speed down the highway, to watch the sunrise through kudzu blooms.